Ridiculously Epic…

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what we do

Uno, Dos, Tres

It’s been 3 years.

3 years and 1 week ago I found out that my friend Meryl’s mom had passed. She had been battling cancer for a while, and although I don’t exactly remember the kind of cancer – it sucked. Meryl and I met when I went to the BACCHUS House at Muskingum my freshman year, and I instantly liked her. Since then we have become what I’d like to think of as pretty good friends, she’s a really wonderful person; one I’m glad to call my friend. And her mom, Mary, was the same way. She worked at Muskingum in the library. I moved into BACCHUS my Sophomore year, and got to know Meryl and her parents more through living there. Their whole family are incredibly phenomenal people. And honestly, I didn’t even really know Mary that well…but I just knew that she was great. Great in a lot of ways that I can’t even begin to try to explain, but she was an amazing woman who lived a great life and produced 2 of the most amazing people I know – Meryl and her brother, Owen. She loved her kids, her husband, her job; every time I saw her I just wanted to give her a hug because she was one of those people whose hugs made everything better (or at least I felt that way about her; you know how you can look at someone and know something?) She just exuded this vibe of calm, compassion, and love. I don’t really know how to explain it so that it makes sense to anyone but me, but the news of her death was crushing.

Exactly one week later….3 years ago today I woke up to a phone call from Kevin (my now ex, at the time my boyfriend) telling me that Joe passed away sometime during the night. Now, Kevin and I started dating in 2005; and he lived in Cleveland while I lived in Cambridge so I didn’t really know all of his friends that well since we spent most of our time together at college – where we met. But Joe was special, different. Out of all of Kevin’s friends, Joe never once made me feel like an “outsider” or “Kevin’s girlfriend.” He made me feel like I had grown up with them, like I belonged. Over time several of Kevin’s other friends gave me that same vibe, but from day 1 – Joe made me feel welcome and like I was part of their group. Because of that, the phone call I received on November 18 was devastating. Joe was only 22, he had AML. He had been diagnosed the summer before, and had even been in remission for a little while. Joe was one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life, and I miss him. I’m sure some of Kevin’s friends will never understand why I miss Joe, or why he was so important to me – but Joe knows, and that’s all that matters.

I didn’t want to write this a week ago, because I knew that today was coming and I wasn’t sure if I could handle 2 separate posts on 2 incredible people, who albeit I didn’t know that well, but whom touched my life in ways I never imagined possible. So in their memory – Mary and Joe – know that you were and will always be amazing, wonderful people who I hope realized the depths of which they impacted others by simply being themselves. You are both on my mind consistently, and I strive to be like both of you in many ways; accepting, compassionate, strong, friendly, humble, loving, passionate…the list goes on. Here’s to you both; I love you.

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Busy, busy, busy…

As I typed that title I imagined it being said the way a robot running out of batteries would say it…cause that’s how I feel.

Cali Oct. 20-30, home for 2 days then Cali again Nov. 2-10. I’m used to working 12+ hours days because I have 3 jobs…but working 12+ hours days where you are essentially the life force that keeps everything running (yes I do realize how pretentious that sounds…but it’s true in this case) is very exhausting. Mentally and physically. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this needed before; even as a preschool teacher. And it’s not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong – I love being needed…it’s just draining.

Tomorrow (technically today since it’s not quite midnight here in Cali, but 2:30am in Cleveland) is my last day working with everyone here. I was hoping to be able to get everyone to a great place where I wouldn’t be worried when I left…and it’s just not quite the case. Everyone has made leaps and bounds in terms of progress, but I just didn’t accomplish what I wanted. Although I do feel successful in some aspects, I’m just not going into details. I’m proud of the work I’ve done and the progress “my” staff has made…I look forward to hearing about all the awesome things they continue to do in my absence. I really am going to miss this staff though, they’re such awesome people!

One thing I’m not going to miss is being asked 12 times a day when I’m just going to move to Cali. It’s a complicated answer – and a complicated decision. Everyone (and I mean everyone) just wants me to move here and continue doing what I do. Part of me wants it very badly, but the other part of me doesn’t want to even a little bit. I like to consider myself an incredibly independent person…and I absolutely abhor thinking that I am dependent upon another person; especially if that “other person” is a boy. But a big part of the reason that I would never move here is Ernest. I think that we have something good and special, and just….real. I don’t want to risk that. It makes me feel silly, because I’m not the type of person who makes decisions based on others; or at least I like to think I’m not. Sometimes I’m honestly not sure.

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This is a slobberknocker…

Sometimes watching sports can be fun because they say the most absurd things. For instance, I am back in California and am sitting in my boss’ office. He has SportsCenter on one of the TVs (I don’t want to change it because it’s a confusing system and I don’t wanna mess anything up) and I have no idea what the hell they’re talking about but I just heard “This is a slobberknocker…” It seemed perfect for the title of this entry for so many reasons…

Anywho, yes…I’m back in California. I flew home with my roommate on Saturday 10/30 and flew back to California on Tuesday 0n 11/2. My boyfriend picked us up from the airport on Saturday, we got the kittehs from the Barkley, then went to our apartment. I packed an overnight bag and headed to Ernest’s house with him where his family fed me dinner, and we played “ImagineIff” then “Apples to Apples” while partaking in a few beverages. Sunday I literally spent all day just hanging out with Ernest while he did homework and I tallied votes for the Barkley’s “My Dog Wants to Win an iPad” contest. I was nice just to spend time with him – I really missed him a lot.

He told me he loves me. 🙂 Well, I suppose I did say it first…but he said it back. He makes me feel like…well…amazing. Just amazing. Words can’t even describe it. But the general idea is that it’s a good feeling, super duper good.

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