Ridiculously Epic…

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what we do

Busy, busy, busy…

on November 9, 2010

As I typed that title I imagined it being said the way a robot running out of batteries would say it…cause that’s how I feel.

Cali Oct. 20-30, home for 2 days then Cali again Nov. 2-10. I’m used to working 12+ hours days because I have 3 jobs…but working 12+ hours days where you are essentially the life force that keeps everything running (yes I do realize how pretentious that sounds…but it’s true in this case) is very exhausting. Mentally and physically. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this needed before; even as a preschool teacher. And it’s not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong – I love being needed…it’s just draining.

Tomorrow (technically today since it’s not quite midnight here in Cali, but 2:30am in Cleveland) is my last day working with everyone here. I was hoping to be able to get everyone to a great place where I wouldn’t be worried when I left…and it’s just not quite the case. Everyone has made leaps and bounds in terms of progress, but I just didn’t accomplish what I wanted. Although I do feel successful in some aspects, I’m just not going into details. I’m proud of the work I’ve done and the progress “my” staff has made…I look forward to hearing about all the awesome things they continue to do in my absence. I really am going to miss this staff though, they’re such awesome people!

One thing I’m not going to miss is being asked 12 times a day when I’m just going to move to Cali. It’s a complicated answer – and a complicated decision. Everyone (and I mean everyone) just wants me to move here and continue doing what I do. Part of me wants it very badly, but the other part of me doesn’t want to even a little bit. I like to consider myself an incredibly independent person…and I absolutely abhor thinking that I am dependent upon another person; especially if that “other person” is a boy. But a big part of the reason that I would never move here is Ernest. I think that we have something good and special, and just….real. I don’t want to risk that. It makes me feel silly, because I’m not the type of person who makes decisions based on others; or at least I like to think I’m not. Sometimes I’m honestly not sure.


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